


Agatha's Big Fat Jäger Wedding

by ScribeProtra



Series: Eternal WIPs [3]
Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: D/s relationship, F/M, Identity Porn, Las Vegas Wedding, agatha and dimo have different sets of info and don't talk stuff out before sex, past abusive relationship, rash life decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 02:49:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16735650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribeProtra/pseuds/ScribeProtra
Summary: From a tumblr idea prompt post “My ex very loudly informed the whole bar I would never find anyone who would be willing to marry me and now I’m married to a very attractive person I don’t know.” AU





	Agatha's Big Fat Jäger Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Big old shout out to the GG discord chat for brainstorming, typoing checking and cheerleading. Y'all amazing.

The Carapace Cottage wasn’t a proper bar, nor a proper coffee house. It catered to both off leave Wulfenbach troops and Trans Poly U students at cheap prices and it was, surprisingly, very well behaved. One of Lilith and Adam’s friends they had helped set up ran the place so bar brawls were at a low and Agatha felt safe ordering drinks there. 

Since Herr Molson already diversified into both beer and coffee, he also went for flavored juices during the summer with hot cider and hot chocolate during the winter.

Agatha liked to order a few drinks and read a book while getting to people watch. The crowd was always fascinating and changing. Sometimes she could even over hear some interesting bit of theory the students were arguing over.

She had gone today as she had really really wanted a quiet moment to cheer herself up. Breaking up with Johhan hurt. She had tried so hard, but she just wasn’t enough. Too stupid, too slow, her headaches making a massive mess of- of everything.

She had thought- she hadn’t expected-

Her ex was also at there, drinking it up with his friends and fellow students.

She scrunched down farther in her seat, hoping none of them would notice her. Agatha glanced around desperately. She had already paid for her stuff, and she wouldn’t have fun if she stayed. Hopefully she could just sneak out and just. Not deal with Johhan. (She wasn’t ready to face him again, not after how horribly humiliating their break up had been.)

Only her attempt to leave fail! So horribly!

“Agatha!” Johhan yelled, “You stopped hiding in your room then?”

She cringed and turned to the group offering a wavering awkward smile.

"Hello, Johhan,” she said, “I was just leaving so-”

“Oh, of course,” he interrupted mockery ringing in his voice

More and more of the shop was quieting down to look at him as Molson stopped cleaning a mug to frown at them all.

“Trying to find some patsy to lock down in marriage, I see,” Johhan continued.

Agatha clutched her book, her favorite Heterodyne Boys story, closer and shook her head, “No, I was just reading-”

He ignored her and continued taking over her, “Well I can promise you, Agatha Clay, you’re never going to be able to land yourself anyone as a husband. Not even the lowest minion would take *you*.”

She stumbled back as he started stalking towards her still loudly mocking, “You’re worthless and helpless and a burden to everyone around you. You’d never find anyone who’d want to marry you and you should just lay down and accep-URK!”

A green furry clawed hand come out of nowhere, grabbing Johhan by the neck, and lifting him off the ground. The hand was attached to a widely grinning Jägermonster, whom Agatha rather thought, was trembling with barely controlled rage.

“Hyu iz verra verra vrong dere schmott guy!” the Jägermonster said, “Hy vould be villing, ho! Hy vould be *honored* to marry such a nize gurl!”

Johhan was sweating and turning red as he clawed at his throat, trying desperating to remove the hand and failing.

“Please don’t kill him!” Agatha blurted out.

The Jagermonster turned one of his yellow pupil, yellow iris, yellow sclera colored eyes to her and raised an eyebrow.

“Vell, since hyu asked,” he agreed, letting go of Johhan who landed on his behind, gasping for air and crawling away in utter terror.

The Jagermonster tilted his head and looked at her, face settling down in a neutral expression. He leaned forward in an almost bow and tipped his hat at her then asked, “Hyu vant to come sit vit me und mine brodders, Miss? Hyu ken finish hyu book und drink und not get boddered by eediots.”

Agatha stared at him, glanced at where Johhan was now fleeing the building and then decided. Well. Why not? It couldn’t make the night *worse* after all.

“Sure, if it wouldn’t be a bother.” she said slipping her arm in his.

He beamed at her as he, surprisingly gallantly, lead her to a corner table with two other Jägermonsters. One was tan with a curling horn growing out of his head, while the other was purple with long, shiny, and very beautiful hair. Her unfinished fruit drink had, somehow, ended up here with the Jagermonster’s beer mugs.

“Hokay, Hy iz Dimo und dese iz Oggie und Mxim,” the green one said as he lead her to a pulled out chair.

Agatha smiled at all three as she sat down. “I’m Agatha Clay. Um. thank you for the rescue, Mister Dimo.”

Mister Dimo gave her an expression of dismay and betrayal as he slumped down in his seat while his brothers started howling with laughter.

“Iz *Dimo*,” he repeated, “Hy dun haff class for de Mister title, yah?”

“Hoy, mebbe hyu could marry her for realz und getz sum!” Oggie teased, 

Agatha glanced at Dimo and felt herself blush. It… wouldn’t be terrible. He seemed like the sort to wander off and not come back and she could deal with unwanted offers by being a properly married lady.

“Um. I wouldn’t mind if you don’t mind,” she said, covering her face with her book.

There was strangled noises from all three and she glanced at them over the top of her book. All three looked gobsmacked.

“Wot, really?” Maxim asked, “But hyu iz so pretty! Hyu must haff lotz of better und prettier guys after hyu, yah?”

She shook her head and lowered her book, closing it up and putting it on the table.

“Oh, no Johhan Schmitt, that fellow you ran off? He was the first man to show interest in me,” she explained, “I… have these really bad headaches that strike without warning and I get loud and start crying from the pain and um. I’m not very smart and I keep messing up. But I work hard and keep trying so uh. I know I can keep house and handle paperwork and- and-”

She was interrupted, a lot nicer than before from Johhan, in her ramblings by Dimo placing his hands gently on her own. She shut her mouth with a click and stared at him wide eyed. She wasn’t sure what she was hoping for, but her heart was beating so fast.

“Hokay,” Dimo said, “Let gets married. It’ll be fun!”

He then leaned forward and whispered loudly, “Zo how do hyu gets married in Beetleburg? Hy only know ve does it in Mechanicsburg.”

***

Legally they just needed two witnesses and a town clerk to get married. It wasn’t late so the clerk’s office was still open, they had Dimo’s brothers as witnesses, and Agatha reassured the clerk she wasn’t getting pressured into it. Several times. Until she got angry and the Jägermonsters (and her new husband) got to see one of her headaches.

They were a lot kinder about it then most. They hustled her into a quieter room and had her lay down while Maxim brushed her hair, which was really soothing and nice, until she felt better. 

After she felt upt to moving, she wrote a quick note to her parents saying she would be spending the night studying with friends, and sent it off. 

She felt a little bit bad for lying as they had been really worried about her since the breakup. But. She really wanted to do something other then feeling sad and horrible and this whole ignoring consequences was doing that.

Agatha wasn’t sure what she felt as she followed them to where they were staying. She both did and didn’t look forward to actually. Hmm. Making this marriage real. She was curious and there must be something to the whole….kissing stuff for everyone to be so fixated on it. But she was still worried about it because she also heard a lot about how much it hurt and first times always bleeding and she didn’t want that at all.

The Jägermonsters were renting a room at a cheap inn, and they had enough Pax Guilders to rent a second one for her and Dimo. Her new husband. That she met an hour ago. 

Agatha shook her head to focus on the room. It was shabby yes, but clean. She didn’t see any signs of bugs or mold. She sat down on the bed and looked around. One dresser, with an added mirror on it plus chair. Window to outside. Fairly small room, not very decorated. Dimo pulled off his over coat off and tossed it to the side of the floor.

“Ve dun haff to do eenytink else,” Dimo said bluntly as he kneeled down in front of her.

She blushed and squeaked. It. She felt. Something at the sight. Her body felt flushed and warm and. She rubbed her legs together, feeling very warm and aware of that place where her thighs met.

She liked it, him kneeling in submission to her.

At which point the door slammed open and Oggie strode in with clothes in his arms, “HOKAY BRODDER, Hy gotz hyu both weasel pajamas for hyu wedding night!”

Agatha covered her face and fell sideways onto the bed while screeching in utter embarrassment. 

Dimo jumped to his feet and roared, “HY VILL STEAL HYU HAT UND HIDE IT.”

There was a loud and short squabble before Oggie left, leaving the two sets of male and female pyjamas. That yes, did have weasels on them.

She looked at them in interest and asked, “Why weasels?”

Dimo rubbed his face and answered, “Iz Mechanicsburg tink. Weasel pyjamas mean hyu vant to do de kissin’ und not de sleepin’.”

The door opened up again only this time it was Maxim bearing a complete tea set with a full tea pot.

“Hy iz tinkin’ hyu iz vanting zum Maiden’s Tea, Seester?” he said grinning widely at a frowning Dimo.

Agatha covered her face again and then nodded, “Yes, thank you, um.”

She peeked between her fingers and said hesitantly, “Brother?” 

Maxim placed the tea set on the dresser, face and body lit up with utter delight.

“Dis iz de best day effer,” he informed Dimo as he exited again.

Dimo huffed out a laughed as he rubbed his face.

“Hy agree vit him,” he told Agatha as she poured a cup and drank it down, “But dey iz still annoying.”

“I do want to consummate this marriage,” Agatha fiddling with her cup, “I’m just… not looking forward to the pain or the bleeding.”

He repeated the early trick from the bar where his eyes moved separately. One stayed on her while the other drifted to look into the middle distance. His face had gone slack as he clearly had to deal with thinking hard about what she said.

Dimo focused back on her, opened his mouth, blatantly decided against saying something, and closed it. This happened two more times before he finally said, “Hy iz tinkin’ hyu haff had a verra different education den Hy haff.”

He came back and knelt again before her and continued, “Dot stuff, it only happens hiffen hyu iz bad at de sex.”

She made a noise at him just saying the word and flushed again. She was also really distracted by how much she really *really* liked him being down at her feet. The liking it throbbed though her body, centered in her belly and a little bit lower.

“So um. How good are you at it?” she asked breathless and breathing heavily.

He plucked his hat off and tossed it to hang on one of the chair's knobs. 

He bent forward, laying his head in her lap, looked up at her and said in a thick rasp, “Hy iz verra verra goot at it mine Lady.”

She swallowed, leaned over to put her cup down and then ran her hands through his hair. Dimo’s eyes slide closed and he started to purr.

Agatha bit her lower lip. It was nice and oh, he was vibrating slightly from the force of his purr, and it felt so very very nice. She scritched around his ears and back of his neck, enjoying the sensation for a little while before tugging at his collar. She laid down on her back, Dimo following her leading hand to lay on top of her. He kissed her body though her clothes as he followed, which sent sparks to tingle along her limbs.

He paused when he got to her neck and Agatha was suddenly reminded she was wearing her locket.

‘Oh, wait,” she said letting go of his collar to reach back and unclasp her locket. Dimo pushed himself up on his hands and knees, giving her space.

“Mine, Lady?” he asked.

“I am not doing married couple stuff while wearing pictures of my birth parents,” she informed him tartly.

He looked interested and she explained, “I was born Agatha Hertz and was adopted by Adam and Lilith Clay when I was about seven or eight.”

She clicked it open to show him the pictures, “See? This is my birth father Will Hertz and my birth mother Lucy Hertz.”

She wasn’t sure what the expression he was wearing meant as he looked at the pictures. He then gave her a soft fond smile and held out a hand. She handed it over and he moved around to gently place it on the dresser, next to the tea set and out of the way.

He returned to covering her up with his broad and warm body, kissing her neck as she pet his head and slid her other hand under his shirt to rub between his shoulder blades. Dimo’s hands kept rubbing up and down her sides and upper thighs as he rocked his thigh gently between her legs.

Her heart was racing and her lap was throbbing and she was breathing heavily before she tugged on his hair. His head went with her hand, unresistanting and oh it was so pretty when he did that. She could feel the strength in his body, the firmness and solid bone and muscle beneath his clothes and fur. And yet! She was *very much* in control right now.

Agatha couldn’t remember ever feeling in control before. It was exhilarating and wonderful and she wanted more of it.

“Okay. okay. Um. Clothes off now, please,” she said gasping deep breaths of air in, trying to cool off and think though the fog of pleasure.

“Hokay,” he breathed out as he leveraged himself upright and pulled his shirt off. Agatha stared, wide eyed at his body as he tossed the skirt aside and started undoing his belt.

He was completely covered in fur, and his belly was round and looked like an amazing pillow and she wanted more of him.

Dimo paused after working his pants open and cursed before falling to the side of her, landing on the bed. He then contorted himself which was an amazing show and started wrestling his boots off. Agatha burst into giggles before curling up to reach her own shoes, tossing them to the side to land in a pile with Dimo’s boots.

Dimo’s trousers and underpants were easy for him to pull off and he helped Agatha remove her own clothes after. Which lead to him kissing and stroking each bit of her flesh that was revealed.

She had to touch him back, of course. His fur kept being really soft and nice to her fingertips, and she liked it how his belly muscles jumped when she stroked her palm down his stomach. But they got undressed, and Agatha arranged herself properly on the bed, Dimo covering her and then slowly kissing his way back down her body. She watched in interest as he got to her- her- her vulva, gave her a sweet happy smile, and brought his mouth down to *lick*.

Agatha moaned, one hand twisting the bed sheet, the other tangling in his hair against as she squirmed. Pleasure was sparking up and down her spine, warmth curled and pulsing in her gut and- oh- she was panting for air, her hips rocking up at him. It felt so *good*, everything felt so good, she couldn’t-

She whited out, swamped and overpowered with sensation.

(Later on, as she snuggled against him ,safe and warm in Dimo’s arms, she thought about it and decided orgasms were the exact opposite to her headaches. Both times her thoughts were scrambled and she could only feel, not think. But orgasming was amazing: left her relaxed and loose and wanting more while the headaches left her wrung out and broken, an utter crying mess.)

She learned some very important facts on her wedding night. The change from the Jägerbrau extended to *everywhere* in a Jäger’s body, they had a great deal of stamina, her perfect and wonderful husband was *very* flexible. 

And, most importantly, being married was the best thing *ever*.


End file.
